Birthday Hurdles and Temptations

Don't Let This Sweet Face Fool You!

My 12 year old son's birthday cake

Okay, something has to give!!  I'm presently tormenting myself all in the name of LOVE.  Let me clarify that it's all in the name of love for my family and cake!  Background:  For as long as I can remember, my first birthday gift request was to have a "store bought" cake! I delighted in the bright colors, pretty flowers, and seeing MY name cursively decorated on the cake.  I so looked forward to that special time of year when I could sink my chops into the sweet vanilla icing (whipped or butter creme) and spongey white cake.  It always made me feel special.  Believe it or not, I never had issues with weight back then (and in fact I was always teased about being skinny), so my sweet natured mother always obliged and would purchase me a cake. Talk about gratification! Bear in mind this sweet request didn't end with my childhood!  It continued well into my college years.

Once I had the means to do so on my own, I would occasionally purchase vanilla cupcakes.  There didn't have to be a reason to "celebrate" either.  I just simply wanted cupcakes, but I didn't do that too often because the guilt of eating 3 cupcakes in one sitting made me feel so blah.  I soon discovered local bakeries sold cupcakes in single servings, and I would reward myself whenever I had a stressful day.  Bad habit I know because it inevitably contributed to my weight management struggles.

So when the time came to celebrate my own childrens' birthdays, the first thing I did (without being asked) was to ensure they had a "store bought" cake.  I've gotten somewhat better over these past 13 years by not buying large cakes, but any size cakes are setbacks for me. 

 

Getting Ready to Sing Happy Birthday to My Handsome Tween



Birthday cakes are traditional worldwide, and I LOVE seeing the priceless look on my family's faces when the candles are lit and we sing happy birthday to them.  Is that such a bad thing?  I guess what I'm despising right now is how I'm allowing my son's birthday cake to torment me.  The Phentermine is making things somewhat bearable, but earlier today I was almost ready to throw in the towel!  I'm telling myself it's mind over matter because I don't need it, but if for whatever reason I was given the green light I would DIG right into that cake with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side! 

Birthday Celebration Collage

I'M starting to wonder if the only way to get a handle on controlling my weight is to avoid sweets altogether.  So I'm guessing there will be no cheat days ever!  Seems like once I indulge, I'll want it everyday.  I gave myself a small pat on the back today when I avoided the bowls filled with mini candy bars placed on our teacher meeting tables.  Considering how I love Snickers, Twix, etc. it wasn't too terribly tempting, but I'm still glad I didn't eat them out of boredom or habit.  The leftover birthday cake is what's giving me a run for my money, but I've got a simple solution.  Future birthdays will only include a collosal cupake divided between my kiddos or mini-individual cupcakes found at Whole Foods Market.  Problem solved!

Week Four Update

Phentermine Week 4

I have to say I'm very pleased with my progress so far!  Whew thank you Jesus!  Hard for me to believe the weightloss would happen this fast. The stressing, worrying, and not to mention the discomfort from carrying the extra weight was definitely my downer.  The Lord definitely heard my cries, prayers, and answered them.  I visited my doctor the other day and was approved for a refill for the Phentermine.  He noted my blood pressure was slightly elevated but still within the normal range. 

Now that my summer break is over my classes will resume here soon. Trying to mentally prepare because I know my will power will be challenged.  Dealing with all the hustle and bustle of parenting, and the never ending chaos that comes with working in a public school lets me know I'll most definitely be in for a treat (NO PUN INTENDED LOL)!  I'm certain the true challenge will happen once I'm officially off the medication, so we'll see!  I'm praying I've learned moderation and bracing myself for when the cravings are said to return.  One day at a time is all I can say.  Gotta remember that it's MIND OVER MATTER.  The things I'll need to remember (which I believe) that aided in my weightloss are:

• Eliminate pork- That was a difficult one and it took me a while to do, but quitting was not as bad as a thought. 
• Limit red meat- That was even harder which is why I limit it.
• Limit starches
• Limit breads
• No sugary drinks (orange, grape, apple juices are kept to a strict limit) and if I do crave a sweetened drink, only a few drops of a water enhancer is added to my water
• Drink plenty of water
• Exercise 5X a week, at least 1 hour per day
• Count Calories
• No alcohol or medication other than the Phentermine
• No fried foods- grilled and baked only
• Fruits!  Watermelon and peaches were my summer favorites
• Prayer, prayer, prayer

Twenty pounds lost within a 4 week time frame!  I'm still in disbelief!  The Phentermine without a doubt aided in those efforts, so prayerfuly now that I have a jumpstart I'll be able to manage once I'm off.

Reflection: Dealing with the Ups and Downs -- Literally and Figuratively

I took a moment to re-evaluate my recent eating patterns prior to taking the Phentermine and gained a little insight.  Convinced I have occasional short term memory, I'll often times jot my weight in my appointment calendar.  --Very useful when tracking possible progress.  My planner reflects the typical busy and stressful life of being parent, wife, and teacher...its sort of a "better than not using anything at all" method to keeping a handle on the pre-arranged chaos.  I'm very aware that there is a found connection of finding the time to exercise, not monitoring my caloric intake, unpredictable events, and my way of dealing with it all....which was that I emotionally ate to my poor heart's content! 

Flashback to late January 2013.  My weight was at 193.5 lbs, and I was disappointed (but forgiving) that I had gained roughly 25lbs. within 7 months!  Devastated, yes, but still convinced a new year would bring renewal and refocus!  I managed to lose 18 lbs. between late December 2011-May 2012, so I knew I could do it again.  Somehow or another I lost that refocus and ended up gaining another 3lbs two months later. 

Spring Break 2013, 195 lbs.

Still determined I told myself Spring Break would be a great time to solidify that exercise regimen.  I exercised but still not as often as needed.  My avoidance to do the tedious calorie counting didn't help my crusade whatsover, and I continued to gain.  So my weight during the entire month of April and May fluctuated between 204 and an unsteady 198.5 pounds. 

Still trying to remain OPTIMISTIC (there's that word again), I told myself June 2013 would be the perfect time to devote complete focus.  School's was out for summer break!  Sweet!  I have to confess that I was in complete denial regarding the reasons for the weight gain.  Convinced that it was primarily due to a surgical procedure done mid-January 2013.  There were even online forums with women claiming similar weight gain resulting from the same procedure.  The doctors claimed there was absolutely no connection, but I wasn't buying it.  Despite exercising at least 3X a week I continued to gain weight!

So now I'm perturbed!  Despite my amped up summer exercise regimen, the scale still steady crept up 8 lbs in a month's time!  I had become certain that I would average a 5 lb. weight gain per month, and crushed thinking there was nothing I would be able to do about it.  It all seems very vain I must admit, but carrying extra weight has always been discomforting.  I can't explain why emotional eating  has always been a source of comfort. I could never really find that happy medium, so instead I indulged and believed exercising alone would refrain excess weight gain.  The thing was that I never found the time to do enough exercise to make up for all that emotional eating!!

Some interesting things I now realize since starting the Phentermine was the severity of my eating habits.  I knew my diet wasn't perfect, but I didn't think it was that bad.  Afterall, I rarely ate fried foods or drank sodas, BUT I made up for it in other ways.  I LOVE bacon, sausage, sweet ice tea, sweet drinks, mexican food, snack foods like potato chips with french onion dip, treating myself to fresh frozen custard topped with chocolate toffee and nuts once or twice a week, and margaritas on my treasured no-kids allowed bi-weekly date nights just to list a few.

So VERY LONG STORY SHORT...

I calculated that in early July (pre-Phentermine)  my calories averaged 2110 per day and I burned about 450 exercise calories maybe 3-5 times a week.  Not too bad if I wanted to maintain 205 pounds, but I don't!  That's very excessive for someone wanting to lose weight.  I should've know better, but I now average 1090 calories per week and burn 500 exercise 5 days a week.  It seems like a great plan, but it's unhealthy.  I tire easily by evening and it's just unrealistic to maintain long term.  I've yet to learn, smh.  The thing with Phentermine is that it makes me to have to remind myself to eat, and I sometimes won't eat until I'm about ready to pass out!  In a sense that's not so bad because in the past I'd eat whether or not I was hungry, BUT truthfully its's bad because I can imagine overeating if an eating schedule isn't developed once the drug is out my system.  I must admit it's a relief to not be so food obsessed and having those intense cravings.  Those PMS cravings are always no joke.

My doctor's appointment is scheduled tomorrow to make sure there are no adverse affects from the Phentermine usage.  I have about 5 more days until my prescription runs out and not sure whether or not my doctor will allow me to continue another month.  Either way I will soon be on my own.  Summer Break is just about over and I will be reporting back to work soon and dealing with all the madness!  Only time will reveal my coping mechanisms.  I know I'm only human, but I have faith.  OAN, the PhentermineWeek 4 Update will be posted this Friday...